I am a Monster Hate me Destroy me
by DustyBullet
Summary: A completed one-shot Frerard. Gerard is taking Elena's death very hard, and Frank is just trying to help out his bandmate the only way he knows how. Warning: Alcoholic Gerard. Miniscule amount of bdsm. SEX.


I am a monster.

Hate me.

Destroy me.

Frank ran his fingers through Jamia's hair. It was so soft, so clean. He could smell the shampoo radiating from her scalp. She sighed, snuggling closer against his chest. It was warm, safe, familiar.

It was everything he didn't want. Not right now, anyway. Jamia was wonderful. He loved her more than he'd loved any other female in his life besides his Mum. But sometimes she simply couldn't quench the thirst that parched his being. He ached to be dirty, to poison his life with filth and indiscretion.

He had always been so good; he had never wanted to hurt her. He would never fuck some random bit of strange. It's not what the band had ever been about. Even before they'd gotten together it was something that he'd never done. However cute some of the fans might be, Frank would never have the heart to take advantage, never mind how willing they might appear. The band was already so important to so many people. It wasn't right to take that gratitude and turn it into something sordid.

My Chemical Romance would still be playing VFW halls if it wasn't for the support of those kids. There was nothing wrong with that, of course – playing small clubs was all they'd ever aspired to; all they'd ever expected. But now it had gone far beyond what they'd ever dreamt, and despite the chivalrous mission statements they would spout during interviews, Frank was under no illusions that every one of them would be so bummed if they were confined to shows in Jersey again. Frank would never do anything to objectify the kids that were helping them live their dreams.

But it got so difficult sometimes. It was hard being out on the road doing what he loved without having someone to fuck into the mattress at the end of the day when his excess energy refused to fizzle out. Sometimes Jamia came out too, and those particular stretches of tour were fantastic. However, she couldn't do it forever, and it still did nothing to ease the secret ache that he hid deep inside of him. While she was around, while Frank could press his nose into her hair, bury his fingers in her heat and kiss across her freckles he could tamper it down and pretend that he never needed anything else. Unfortunately, it never lasted long.

The first time he'd kissed Gerard had been just before taking to the stage the year beforehand. It was a particularly big show, one they'd been lucky to get on in the first place. Everyone was jittery, and Gerard had downed more beers than usual, one leg jiggling on the spot as if to work off some of his nerves before he had to go on and open his mouth. The lights dropped, and the crowd began to cheer in anticipation. Everyone exchanged a nod, and they began to take to the stage. The way they did it was for everyone with an instrument to walk on first and give the audience a wave, and then for Gerard to join them a minute or two later, sending the crowd wild.

It wasn't until that night that Frank realised just how much harder that arrangement must make it for Gerard. When Frank walked onstage, he had Mikey, Ray and Matt by his side. When Gerard walked, he walked alone. Frank had hung back for a couple of seconds, letting the others pass him. His plan had been to call out something quick and inspirational for their off-centre frontman, but when the moment came, he found his mind was blank, and the crowd was too loud for Gerard to have heard him anyway. Before he'd even registered he was moving, Frank had bounced onto tiptoes and pressed his lips firmly against Gerard's mouth. There wasn't time to survey his reaction before he ran onstage to take his place, waving breathlessly for the fans, suddenly frightened for the consequences of his actions.

Turns out he needn't be fearful at all. They had one of their best shows that night. Afterwards, Gerard had tracked Frank down and dragged him into the venue's disabled toilet, of all places. It was the alcohol, enticing Gerard to be so bold, but after the very first make-out/handjob session was over it was far easier to approach the issue a second time. And a third. And a twenty-eighth.

Gerard had turned out to be just what Frank had been searching for. A dirty little fumble, sweaty hands and skittering mouths with an unhealthy dose of secrecy, spiked Frank's adrenaline levels and made each encounter far more breath-taking than it should have been. It was the idea of being caught, and it was at moments like these - curled up on Jamia's sofa watching TV – that Frank was sort of ashamed that it turned him on.

He clutched Jamia even closer, pressing a short kiss to the side of her head. The idea of her ever finding out made his lungs tighten and a lump appear in his throat. However, the very idea that she _could_ find out made his _pants_ tighten and his mouth go dry. He was too addicted to the latter to give it up despite fearing the former.

Almost as if on cue, Frank's cell phone vibrated in his pocket against the back of Jamia's thigh. She giggled, shifting slightly so he could retrieve it without moving. It was Gerard. The text contained nothing but an address and the standard kiss and hug moniker. Frank's heartbeat spiked, and he barely had to consider the logistics before he was tapping back a swift:

"**On my way. F x"**

Consenting before working out whether it was possible just added to the appeal. If he had to work harder to be able to put his cock in Gerard's grubby hand, it added to the intensity of the orgasm he was assured. For the briefest of seconds Frank wondered when he stopped looking at Gerard's texts and seeing 'friend in need' and started reading them as 'booty call'. He supposed that nowadays he fulfilled both roles. When Gerard was in need, he needed a booty call. …He was in need an awful lot nowadays.

"J, I've gotta go. Gerard needs to meet up."

Jamia flipped over so that she was facing Frank instead of the television set.

"_Now?_ Frankie, it's almost midnight."

Frank skimmed his thumb over her chin and smiled sadly.

"Yeah, well. Grief works the night shift."

Jamia's mouth pulled down as well.

"You're right. I'm sorry. You should go."

"You know I'd stay if it wasn't important."

Frank's lie only served to stir the lust in his belly. It tasted sour on his tongue and he couldn't wait to coat the inside of Gerard's mouth with it. Maybe he could spit it all over Gerard's cock and make him forget about his sadness just for a minute or two.

"I know, Frankie. He's hurting. …How about you make it up to me and take me out for dinner once you've finished tracking tomorrow?" she asked, trying on a smile.

The band were recording their second album under their new label, so not only did Jamia not get to see Frank during the day, but she was acutely aware that pretty much as soon as the recording process was over, the band were hopping straight on a plane and flying out to tour again. The two had a limited amount of time together, and Frank thought that perhaps he should be spending that time here with her considering that Gerard and his tight fist would be travelling with him. He'd never win this fight against himself, though. Ever since he'd discovered Gerard as his missing ingredient he'd been hard pushed to refuse the guy.

"Of course. That sounds perfect" he smiled, leaning down to give her a quick kiss before he extracted himself from the comfort of the sofa.

Frank parked up and shoved the keys into his pocket, looking up at the building with a blank face. The clean-freak in him was telling him to get back in the car and floor it all the way back to Jamia's place, but his dick – and let's be honest, the more powerful force in this scenario – whispered that filthy surroundings merely added to the appeal of what he came here to accomplish. Fists gripping the inside of his pockets, Frank trudged up to the door of the shitty motel and made his way to the front desk, citing the code name Gerard had been going under on their last tour.

"Daniel Dreiberg?"

Security in these places was notoriously poor, meaning that it took no trouble at all to procure Gerard's room number. As Frank set off in the direction of the stairwell – you had to be a lunatic to chance the elevator in these places – he realised dimly that his arrival gone midnight probably looked rather sketchy. In all likelihood he looked like a rentboy come to service a client up in his room. Frank couldn't deny that the idea turned him on and he quickened his pace, taking two stairs at a time. He wouldn't be at all surprised if Gerard had purposefully asked for a room on the top floor for atmospheric purposes or whatever, but he went along willingly. A few extra stairs would be worth it in the end.

When he arrived at the appropriate door, Frank tugged on the collar of his shirt, pulling it out of shape, and messed his hair up. He wished he had some eyeliner on him so he could smear it all over his face. He was sure Gerard would dig the hooker idea just much as he did. He knocked and waited, open-mouthed, sure to keep his head low so that he could look up at Gerard through his eyelashes as soon as they were face to face.

When the door swung open Gerard's facial expression had been agitated and perhaps even disinterested. As he watched Frank breathe in the doorway, although his countenance didn't change much, the darkness dripped into his eyes and he felt the slightest twinge in his dick. He didn't leap forward and ravage Frank's face, nor did he fist his hand in the loose collar and pull him into the room. He merely looked Frank up and down once, and turned to walk back inside. Frank was mildly disappointed, but the lustful gleam in Gerard's eyes was not to be mistaken, so he followed him into the room and let it slide for now, pushing the door shut behind him.

When he turned back around, Gerard was lighting up a cigarette and Frank realised just how normal it was to see the older man with a frown on his face. He wasn't sure when he'd last seen Gerard smile. Even when they were in the studio Gerard seemed to take on a more thoughtful demeanour rather than a happy one. The things that Gerard _did _have to be happy about were undermined by the one thing that would never get better. Elena was dead, and it was ruining him.

"Jamia let you go?"

He didn't look up when he asked, simply counted how many fags he had left in the pack.

"You're in pain. Of course she did" Frank replied, dropping his eyes.

Gerard snorted humourlessly and shook his head.

"Don't do that, G. Leave her out of it, okay?"

Gerard nodded, eyes rolling as he inhaled and began to slowly blow his smoke out.

"You want one of these?" he asked, holding up a bag of pills.

Frank knew better than to ask what they were. Gerard put whatever pills he had into the same bag, and treated it as some fucked up version of lucky dip. He never had any idea what the mystery medication was going to do to his body, and he got off on the recklessness of it all. Frank shook his head, declining. If he got too fucked up he wouldn't be able to play properly in the morning. Gerard just needed to open his mouth to record. He didn't need his hand-eye coordination like Frank needed his.

Gerard shrugged and opened his mouth, knocking back a couple of capsules with a mouthful of cheap store-brand vodka. It made Frank's stomach clench. He should protest. He should worry that Gerard was mixing spirits and meds and he should be freaking the fuck out, scared that he'd wake up in the morning next to a corpse. But Frank knew what it was like to kiss Gerard when he was too fucked up to stand. He knew how it felt when Gerard's hand flew over his dick because he was too far gone to feel the burn in the muscles of his arm. Frank was a bad person, but even _that _increased the speed of blood flow to his nether regions.

He sat on the bed, and spread his legs, hoping that his growing erection was already noticeable through his jeans. It was only then, looking up at the man he wanted naked that he actually took stock of the clothes he would have to strip him of to achieve that state. Gerard was dressed in dark garments, as usual, but when Frank realised that Gerard was in a suit, complete with black shirt and striped tie, his own eyebrows drew together.

"Why are you in your stage clothes?"

Gerard looked away quickly and answered, before pressing the bottle to his lips again.

"More comfortable."

Frank nodded once, more to himself than to Gerard. He realised that Gerard didn't mean that his clothes were physically more comfortable than his usual hoodie and jeans, but that he felt more emotionally at home in his stage get-up. He felt stronger when he played his onstage role. It's why the band had been so important to them all from the word go. When they got up on that stage and performed to the best of their ability they felt like they could take on the entire world together. Gerard needed that extra strength right now, and Frank wasn't about to ridicule it.

Gerard was still not coming close to where Frank was seated, but stuck close to the walls, chewing on his thumb. He got within arm's reach to hand Frank the bottle of spirits, but that was as close as he got before retreating again. Frank took a sharp mouthful that made him splutter. The burn in his throat was perfect and he looked over when Gerard spoke again.

"You think they know?"

Frank knew that they were talking about the band now, and he took a considering swig of liquid. He had his suspicions that Mikey knew. The Ways were so close that it would be criminal for the younger to have _not_ noticed. However, Mikey was always gone; livening up someone's party or sleeping with nameless girls for Frank to really assess whether he had worked it out or not. It had been relatively easy to hide it so far. Between Mikey always being out, and Ray and Matt too busy arguing with each other to see past their own issues, it had been incredibly easy to sneak off and come in each other's hands. No one ever complained when Frank opted to room with Gerard on hotel nights either. They were too relieved that they didn't have to share a room with Gerard's stench to question just how many times Frank had taken one for the team already. He looked up, meeting Gerard's eyes and daring him to call him out on his lie when he answered:

"No."

He didn't quite seem in the mood to do so today, and simply nodded, taking one last drag and stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray on the table. Frank sat back and simply watched for a minute or two, following the pacing figure with dark eyes. When Gerard reached for the vodka again, Frank withdrew his hand and kept the bottle tight against his chest, frustrated with the distance between them. Instead of coming further forward for the bottle as he had anticipated, Gerard let his hand drop and stepped back again.

"What the fuck, man?" Frank asked, exasperated. "You wanted me here so we could sit on opposite sides of the room? Come on, don't I turn you on anymore?"

Gerard smirked, and Frank inwardly rejoiced, happy to see any form of smile, despite its lack of kindness.

"Of course you do. Fucking shirt hanging off you, jeans tight. You know you're hot, Frank. I wanted you from day one. And now I have you. I'm just… working up to it."

Frank chuckled darkly, and drank again, upset that the alcohol had lost its sting already. He purposefully left his lips wet, tongue flicking out against his lip ring.

"You never needed to work up to it before. Come over here."

Gerard shook his head and chewed on his thumb again, gesturing for the drink. Frank relented this time, handing it over and watching as the head of the bottle disappeared between pink lips. Frank shifted his weight, pulse throbbing in his pants as he wished it was his dick Gerard was placing in his mouth. Not even Jamia could make Frank hard without touching him first. He and Gerard hadn't even kissed and Frank was already desperate for friction.

At that moment, Frank's cell phone began to ring in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the caller ID, sliding a glance up to Gerard's face.

"It's Jamia."

Gerard broke out into a dirty smirk, and because Frank was at the mercy of his smile, he placed a finger to his lips once before hitting green and pressing it to his ear.

"Hey, babe."

"Hi, Frankie. How's Gerard doing?"

Locking eyes with the person in question, Frank was thrilled to see Gerard finally moving closer to him. Receiving calls when they were meeting in secret had always turned them both on, so despicable as it may seem, feigning innocence over the phone to a loved one was a golden opportunity in this situation.

"Okay, I guess. I think he just wanted someone to sit with him."

As Gerard crept closer, bulge visible through his suit pants, Frank began to smell Gerard's rancid scent. It wasn't quite as bad as he'd gotten on the last tour, but the stage clothes still hadn't been washed, and held the residual odour cocktail of sweat, vomit and alcohol. If there was piss, he couldn't smell it, and he wasn't sure whether to be grateful, or to mourn the lack of more filth to make this encounter even more pleasing. Soon, Gerard was pressed up against Frank's arm and his lungs deflated in a contented sigh, so happy to finally have some contact.

"It's sweet of you to go and help him. You're a good man" Jamia gushed through the phone.

Gerard attached his teeth to Frank's unoccupied ear and finally, fuck, _finally_, pressed his hand to the front of Frank's pants. When he replied to the conversation, his voice was even and gave nothing away. He'd had lots of practise at this. He kept his eyes glued to Gerard's as he asked Jamia the reason for her call.

"So what did you want, babe?"

She replied, babbling something about his guitar. Frank wasn't sure, as he was only partly listening. In his other ear, Gerard had whispered:

"I want you to fuck me."

Frank's eyes had widened involuntarily, mouth hanging slightly open, as Gerard's hand continued to work insistently over his hard dick. He needed to wrap this phone call up ASAP. What the fuck had Jamia said? Guitar? Oh, right. He'd left it at her place. He'd have to swing by in the morning and pick it up on their way to the studio.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll swing by in the morning. It'll be around 8, okay?"

"Okay, Frankie. Hope Gerard feels better later. I'll see you tomorrow."

Frank didn't even say goodbye, just ended the call and lurched forward, forcing his mouth onto Gerard's, unable to hold back any longer. Jamia would probably think that was a little strange; he never hung up without saying goodbye. But he knew that while the Way brothers were grieving he'd be able to get away with a lot more shit than usual. His hands flew up to Gerard's head, twirling his fingers through the knots and grease and just thinking _home._ It was a far cry from what Jamia felt like, and that's what made it so fucking appealing.

He pushed that sour taste into Gerard's mouth, and stroked his tongue with his own, pace fast and messy, just the way he liked it. His fingers caught in knots, and he clenched, tugging Gerard's hair tight against his scalp, and pulling himself closer, hips pushing up to meet Gerard's hand. One of his own began to journey down to seek out Gerard's cock before he remembered what had been whispered in his ear. Palms flat against Gerard's shoulders he pushed back and withdrew from the kiss.

"What did you say?"

Gerard stood up then, wiping his mouth and moving towards the desk, picking up a plastic bag that Frank hadn't even realised was there.

"I said I want you to fuck me" he replied calmly, looking at Frank over his shoulder.

Frank's stomach dropped out of his ass, and he couldn't breathe, couldn't think for how much he wanted that. That. Yes, totally that. He had to mentally slap himself when Gerard revealed the contents of that bag to be condoms and what he assumed was a bottle of lubricant. They'd never done this before. They had wrapped hands around each other more times than Frank could count, and had given each other blowjobs, though not as frequently, but Frank had never even considered asking for anything but what they already did together. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, in actuality. Frank had always been so turned on by the simple act of handjobs and kissing with Gerard that he'd never had to think about how to make it even better. But apparently Gerard wanted more. Frank wasn't exactly against the idea, but he suddenly felt responsible.

"Gerard… I mean, really? We don't have to. At all. Maybe you should think about it some more."

In reply, he chucked the lubricant at Frank's chest far harder than he'd ever guessed Gerard could throw. The impact made him cough, and he gingerly rubbed at the point of contact.

"Does this fucking look like a snap decision to you, Frank? I've been out to get fucking supplies. Trust me, I've thought about it more than you can imagine. I need you to fuck me tonight."

His voice was angry, just teetering on the border of out-of-control. Frank thought he could see Gerard's fingers shake, but he balled his hands into fists before he could really get a proper look.

"But… Look, G, it's not that I don't want to." _Gerard, legs in the air, chest pink and heaving from exertion, crying out as Frank moved again. _He squeezed his own dick in an obvious manner. "I really fucking want to. But we've never been this far before. I'm just confused, okay? Why do you need this to happen right now?"

Gerard obviously hadn't been bargaining on Frank putting up any form of resistance, and he just fucking snapped. Downing the last drop of vodka from the bottle, he hurled it at the wall where it shattered, making Frank jump.

"Because I fucking need to feel!"

He screamed it, and Frank spared a thought for people in neighbouring rooms, who would undoubtedly hear every word. Frank looked back at Gerard's reddened face, eyes wild and unhinged. The skin around his eyes was darker than Frank was used to. Gerard hadn't been sleeping well; he knew that. But as usual, he'd misinterpreted just how badly. He didn't even have the strength to be ashamed of himself when his dick throbbed as Gerard began to cry.

"I just fucking need to feel something other than _this! _I'm numb, all of the time, because I miss her. I miss her. I miss her, I fucking miss her, and she's _gone!_"

Frank's heart twinged and he leapt off the bed to stop Gerard's hands from pulling dangerously hard at his own hair. He was glad neither of them had removed their shoes as he felt glass crunch under his sneaker. Everyone missed Elena. Not necessarily to the same degree as the Way brothers – Frank wasn't even sure that was possible – but she'd been so good to all of them. She bought the band their first van, for fuck's sake. If it wasn't for her they probably would have never got off the ground so quickly.

"I know, G, I know."

"I fucking _know_ you know!" Gerard screamed, shoving so hard at Frank that he thought he'd probably bruise. Gerard whimpered then, chasing Frank to where he'd pushed him, stroking over the tender patches. "Make me hurt, Frank. I just need to fucking feel something, okay?" He wiped his tears away and pressed his mouth once to Frank's. "Fucking fuck me" he breathed, mouth against Frank's collarbone through his gaping shirt.

Frank panted for a couple of seconds, before he was nodding. How would his answer ever be anything else? He didn't vocalise his agreement, just nodded and brought his arms around his friend. Gerard sighed once, nuzzling against Frank's neck.

"Thank you" he slurred, opening his mouth against Frank's skin.

Gerard wanted to feel? Well, so did Frank. He lifted Gerard's head by his hair and pushed his tongue back into his mouth. Gerard complied easily, movements languid and malleable from the combination of drugs and drink. Frank kissed Gerard with all he had, devouring that bitter vodka-meets-cigarette taste and squeaking, surprised when he felt Gerard take charge of Frank's tongue and sucked on it, hot and hard. No one had ever done that to him before Gerard, and it still took him by surprise every time he surrendered the muscle. It made his dick throb heavily, wishing it was receiving such lavish treatment.

Suddenly Gerard let go and pulled back, tugging Frank's shirt over his head and spreading his palms over the uncovered skin. His eyes were bright again, and Frank knew that he'd chased the grief away, just for a little while. He helped Gerard slowly shrug out of his suit jacket, but before Gerard could reach up to undo his tie, Frank was tugging on it. Hazel eyes widened in front of him, but Frank went slowly, allowing Gerard to get used to the feeling of his windpipe slowly closing in. He kept tugging even when it was pulled taut, and slid his hand under his belt and into his own pants when Gerard began making delicious choking noises. He didn't attempt to loosen Frank's grip; he trusted him, and besides, choking was still better than feeling numb. Gerard gagged again, saliva spilling out onto his lip. Frank squeezed his hand over himself.

"I love it when you make that noise around my cock" he gasped. "So fucking eager to deep-throat me."

Gerard's eyes were beginning to water now, so Frank let go of the tie, taking his hand out of his pants and actually helping to remove it whilst Gerard caught his breath. He had the shirt unbuttoned and gaping open by the time Gerard had regained enough air to speak.

"I'll do that, you know." Frank knew he wasn't referring to the shirt. "Let me do that now."

Frank groaned, and surged up on his toes to meet Gerard's mouth again, kissing furiously and tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. Gerard loved that; Frank's use of teeth. He always had. Now, he used that momentum to push Frank back on the bed and drop heavily on top of him. Frank had to cough out once, the impact panicking his lungs, but he recovered quickly, shifting his hips underneath Gerard, relishing the feeling of being held down by another man's weight. Had Gerard not been drunk, Frank knew that he would have never flopped down like that, and would have apologised for his mass. It was stuff like that that made it incredibly difficult for Frank to wish sobriety upon the older man. He _wanted _the harsh crush of weight on top of him. He didn't want Gerard climbing gingerly on top and apologising for not being skinny. Frank didn't fucking _want_ him skinny. Frank wanted as much Gerard as he could fucking handle.

He could feel Gerard's cock pressing into his thigh and Frank wiggled underneath him, moving into position so that he could thrust them both together. Gerard groaned, and leant down, biting Frank's neck none too lightly. Frank inhaled sharply which only spurred Gerard on to suck the skin into his mouth. It was a hint of what was to come, and Frank closed his eyes, lashes fluttering as heat prickled under his skin. His pulse spiked at the pain as the skin on his neck became over sensitised to Gerard's teeth. He whined, asking non-verbally for things to progress.

Eventually, after Frank was in pain to the point of gritting his teeth – but not complaining, never complaining – Gerard shifted his focus, and went firstly to Frank's feet. Frank tried not to giggle whilst Gerard was stuck loosening the laces of his converses enough to be able to slide his foot out, removing socks as he went. He probably shouldn't have taken the time to properly lace them when he left Jamia's, but after all, he didn't want to rouse _too_ much suspicion. The silence was awkward until Gerard barked out one of his unexpected laughs. The sound was like music to Frank's ears, and he closed his eyes happily when Gerard's hands took to his belt and zipper. Lifting up, Gerard pulled Frank's jeans down and discarded them off the side of the bed.

He looked up, then, cock tenting his boxers in quite an obvious manner. They were grey, making the patch of pre-come stand out, darkened. Gerard raised an eyebrow, mischievous smile remaining on his face. Frank grinned in response. It took him by surprise occasionally, that he actually found this man attractive. Not that Frank was a shallow asshole in terms of body shape preferences, but Gerard wasn't exactly ripped. His greasy dank hair hung around a chubby face, cheeks full and round. He looked sort of strange, shirtless with his suit pants still on. As he sat back on his heels looking down at Frank, his stomach spilt quite unapologetically over the waistband. It made Frank want to put his mouth on him again. That's what he wanted; Gerard naked and self-assured, not caring about sitting in an unflattering position. He moved his ass from side to side, teasingly.

"You just gonna look at it?"

Gerard's eyes darkened, and he gripped Frank through the material, watching the same look reflected back at him. Frank needed friction soon or he was going to pass out. Thankfully, Gerard quirked his eyebrow, and curled his fingers under the waistband, a prompt for Frank to lift up and allow them to be removed. The removal of a material barrier felt glorious, even more so when Gerard curled his palm around him, skin contact making Frank's balls tighten.

Gerard gave a few short hard pumps before shifting and lying in prone position, nosing against Frank's inner thigh, teasing. Frank exhaled, shakily, the anticipation unbearable. Finally Gerard closed his lips around the head of Frank's cock, dipping his tongue into the slit and stealing the beads of pre-come that had gathered there. He ran his tongue along the underside once, before ducking to deliberately slide Frank right to the back of his throat and produce the choking sound that turned him on so badly. Frank let out a small sound as he felt himself hit that barrier, hand immediately sliding down to obtain greasy purchase in Gerard's hair. He didn't force him down, just held on, as Gerard hollowed his cheeks and went for it again. He sucked hard, making sure to flick his tongue across the head every now and then. The feel of Gerard's lips sliding across his sensitive skin made Frank's mouth fall lax, and he was almost ready to just forget what Gerard had asked for and just beg him to keep going. All too soon he felt his stomach drop, and he tugged on Gerard's hair in warning. The sensation stopped immediately, and he let out a shaky breath as he tried to get himself under control again. Jesus fuck, Gerard was too good at that.

Gerard's grin when he re-emerged was too gorgeous for Frank to handle, and he tugged again, willing Gerard up to his mouth. When they kissed, Frank could detect the faint taste of himself amongst the cigarette residue. It made him rut up against Gerard's stomach, desperate for more friction now that he'd had a taste. The older man chuckled against him and pulled on Frank's shoulders, reversing their positions and pulling Frank onto his chest.

Frank didn't waste any time before heading straight for Gerard's feet, as had been done to him, and threw the shoes and socks haphazardly in any direction that was away from the bed. He took a second to move his phone that had been sitting there since Jamia rang, also. He wanted to be filthy and reckless… but not quite so much that it broke his line of communication. Frank unfastened Gerard's pants, and removed the underwear simultaneously when Gerard lifted up. It was that action, Gerard's hips angled in the air, that really hit home what was about to happen. He padded over to the table, mindful of where he placed his feet so as not to tread on some glass, and retrieved a condom from the packet Gerard had purchased earlier on. He didn't open it, but brought it back to the bed with him, placing it beside the bottle of lubricant, which he picked up and took the time to examine.

"I don't think you need instructions, Frankie" Gerard laughed, still lying on his back, fist working loosely over himself.

"Well it's not like I've done this before" he replied, placing it back beside him. His voice didn't shake, and he realised that surprisingly, he wasn't nervous. He knew through the grapevine how this was supposed to work, and felt like that was plenty enough guidance to proceed. Besides, it didn't really matter if he caused his partner pain; it's what he'd asked for. He slid a look over to Gerard, his own dick jumping when he noticed he was still touching himself. "You okay?"

Gerard nodded, the speed of his hand indicating truthfulness. He was more than ready. Frank gave a considering look to Gerard's ass. He'd barely even touched it before, let alone fucked it. Perhaps it was time to get a little more intimate. His stomach spiked again, dick leaking even more as he moved to accomplish the thought that was running through his head. Frank propped Gerard's legs up so that they were spread, his feet flat on the mattress.

Frank took to prone position, dick scraping pleasantly along the sheets, and put his face between Gerard's legs. He removed Gerard's hand and linked their fingers before firstly wrapping his lips around Gerard's cock and sucking, bobbing his head. He didn't stay there long, just long enough to watch Gerard's leg muscles shift and his toes curl. He pulled off then, pressing a firm kiss to the head, before bringing Gerard's hand back and encouraging him to touch once more. Frank settled down again, and this time placed his tongue around the base. He slowly trailed down over Gerard's balls, slow enough that he would know what was coming next. He could hear the older man's breathing come quicker, more erratic, and then he used his hands to part Gerard's cheeks, licking a stripe over his hole. As he'd expected, there was no taste, just the peculiar feeling of rumpled muscle across his taste buds. Gerard made another choked sound, and Frank took it as a good sign. He let saliva pool in the bottom of his mouth, and when he went back a second time his tongue was more moistened, wetting the area comfortably as he pressed with his tongue again and again. Gerard's hand was working quickly again, small gasps escaping intermittently as Frank kept going back for more. Once he felt reasonably acquainted, he closed his mouth and sat back up.

He hadn't brought a toothbrush. He was going to kiss Jamia in the morning without washing his mouth out. The idea was hotter than anything he'd ever dreamt up in his own mind, and he had to give himself a couple of tight strokes as the scene played out in his head.

He turned his attention to Gerard then, who'd stopped jerking himself, and was merely leaning back on his elbows, looking up at Frank with lustful eyes. His chest was bobbing heavily as he silently waited for Frank to move things along. Firstly he reached for the condom, and watched Gerard's eyes darken as he slowly rolled it on. Secondly he broke the seal on the bottle of lubricant, and watched Gerard's face as he squeezed some onto his hand. Usually their make-out sessions were fast and brutal, but this time Frank felt that even if Gerard wanted pain they were going to have to go slowly. He could inflict all the pain Gerard wanted, but Frank would be damned if he caused permanent damage through their carelessness.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're ready. I'm just going to tell you that it's gonna be really fucking cold, okay?"

Gerard barked out a laugh again, and nodded, head lolling on his shoulders; an effect of the alcohol. Frank rubbed his fingers together in a vain attempt to warm the substance, but gave up quickly and spread it over Gerard, using his other hand to open his legs wider and allow better access. Gerard hissed beneath his fingers, getting used to the harsh temperature as Frank applied more to his hand. As he reached down, Frank's eyes flitted between his hand and Gerard's face, watching his expression as he carefully pushed his index finger inside. Gerard's eyebrows drew together tightly, the intrusion a strange sensation to grow accustomed to. Frank was surprised by how smooth the skin felt around his digit, and moved it lightly from side to side to help spread the gel.

Taking cues off Gerard's breathing pattern, Frank knew when to attempt moving his finger back and forth. He pulled back his arm so that his finger almost slid out, before pushing slowly back in, checking Gerard's quick nod to signify that he was okay. Pulling out, he squeezed the bottle again, coating two fingers this time. He was just about to press back in when Gerard spoke up.

"Frank, please. Make it hurt."

For the first time that night, Gerard looked mildly embarrassed that he'd asked such a thing. His dick was still heavy and hard, resting against his stomach. The experience obviously wasn't dampening his lust, which was good. Frank was pleased to report a similar reaction. His cock was still ready to go.

Frank nodded, happy to be a little more rough now that the initial invasion was over. He pushed his two fingers in up to the hilt a lot quicker than last time, and now didn't take the time to survey Gerard's breathing before he moved them back and forth. It had obviously done the trick because Gerard closed his eyes tightly and inhaled a loud breath through his nose. Pushing back in, he struggled against Gerard's muscles to spread his fingers, scissoring inside and stretching him even further. This time Gerard's eyes flew open and a loud guttural sound escaped his lips. Frank did it over and over, watching Gerard's facial expression, pleased when the older man reached down to squeeze his cock at the base.

"More?" Frank asked, breathlessly, unsure whether Gerard wanted a third. Gerard looked up at him and shook his head, panting, still accommodating the feeling of being full.

"No. I want you."

Frank's stomach swooped in response, and fingers still inside, leant down to catch Gerard's lips in a kiss. He removed them as Gerard got more into the kiss, sliding his hands up Frank's back to scrape fingernails along his shoulder blades. Frank was confused when Gerard moved his hands to Frank's chest and pushed, but went with it, shifting backwards and letting Gerard get up. Frank watched as Gerard crawled up onto his hands and knees and turned around, looking over his shoulder at him, hair falling over his eyes.

The sight was breath-taking, Gerard submissive and willing, but it wasn't quite what he had been expecting. The feeling wasn't exactly disappointment, but it wasn't jumping for joy either. Gerard noticed, and tilted his head to the side, asking what was wrong without opening his mouth.

"I just…" Frank began, stroking fingers across the back of Gerard's milky thigh. "I kinda wanted to see your face."

Gerard smiled. It was genuine this time, not tainted by lust or judgement, and it would have knocked Frank's feet from underneath him, if he wasn't already kneeling on a bed.

"You will" he answered, simply. "So will I."

He turned his head to face where his body was angled, and Frank suddenly saw what he meant, jaw dropping open, his hand tightening on Gerard's leg. They met eyes in the wide mirror hanging above the desk.

Gerard's hair hung down, framing his face. His arms, more toned than the rest of him, propped himself up in that position, palms flat on the filthy sheets. His wobbly flesh hung off his frame, creating dips and curves Frank had never had the pleasure to see like this before. Gerard's dick hung heavy and flush between his thick thighs, and Frank had never wanted anything more in his life. The want curled hotly in his belly, and without looking away Frank's hand reached for the bottle, smearing more lube over himself than was strictly necessary.

He shifted closer, and draped himself all over Gerard's back, pressing his mouth between his shoulder blades, kissing loudly, and squeezing tightly with his arms.

"You're the hottest thing I've ever seen" he breathed, wondering why he hadn't said it before.

Gerard smirked again, and merely wiggled his ass, brushing it against Frank's cock and sending the message loud and clear. Frank nodded, once again more to himself than Gerard, and knelt back up, giving himself a few cursory strokes before he peeled apart Gerard's cheeks and shifted forward. Gerard inhaled at the soft touch of Frank's cock, and Frank was transfixed by the look of lust that overcame his features. Frank positioned himself with his hand, letting go once he'd pushed the head in. He went slowly, not caring for Gerard's previous pleas for pain, simply relishing in the new sensation that was enveloping him. His mouth hung open independently of himself, and he stared at Gerard's face as he continued the blunt press to bury himself to the hilt.

When his balls lay flush against Gerard's ass, Frank let out a loud exhale. It felt better than he'd expected. It was different, less moist than fucking Jamia, but smoother, once he'd pushed past the initial ring of muscle. Gerard's insides felt like silk, and it was quite honestly surprising. He smiled, meeting Gerard's eyes in the mirror, unable to express out loud how great it felt beyond the use of seemingly trivial words.

"You feel amazing, G."

"Thanks" Gerard blushed, smile pulling up at one side. "Remember what I said, Frankie?"

He was making sure that Frank knew not to be gentle. Gerard really had nothing to worry about. Frank suspected that once he began to move, he wouldn't be able to stop. Instead he just nodded, and leant over to press another kiss to Gerard's skin. He inclined his head in the direction of the reflective glass to indicate that he was about to start. Gerard threw his head back and closed his eyes, waiting to feel.

Frank pulled back, hands gripping Gerard's fleshy hips, and drove back in, mouth dropping open again, the friction beautiful against his cock. He was harder than he thought he'd ever been in his life, and he also couldn't think of any other person into which he wanted to fuck it out. Once upon a time, Gerard had just been Mikey's weird older brother, hiding out in a basement writing comic books that would never see the light of day. Now Gerard was the most exquisite sexual partner he'd ever had the fortune to lay, and he easily started a quick pace, eager to feel the perfect silky slide again and again.

Frank fought to open his eyes, knowing that he was missing the most perfect sight in the mirror ahead. He thrust more intensely, aiming to make Gerard's insides burn. It seemed to be working; Gerard's face was contorted in some beautiful amalgamation of pain and pleasure. His eyebrows were drawn together as the thrusts pounded into him, mouth open and breathy, relishing the feeling.

As Frank thrust forward, it shook Gerard's belly underneath him, and Frank had to groan, committing the sight to memory and filing it under 'spank bank'. He thought of Jamia, home alone, watching TV without him, and snapped his hips harshly, his infidelity turning him on beyond belief. Gerard cried out when he did so, panting heavily.

"Fucking do that again" Gerard demanded roughly, voice savage in his throat.

Frank hadn't needed to be told; he was already striving to do whatever made Gerard produce such a fantastic noise. He moved again and again, resolving to change his angle. Eventually he hit Gerard's perfect spot, making the older man writhe beneath him and cough out a short moan. It made Frank's stomach drop, and he increased the strength of his thrusts, trying to hit it as many times as physically possible, just to hear Gerard vocalise.

"Frank" he gasped, moaning when Frank hit it again. "Frank, I'm feeling."

Frank moaned again, and pressed several kisses to the middle of Gerard's back, reaching round and grabbing hold of his cock. He kept his eyes firmly fixed on Gerard's face as he squeezed tightly, before watching his own fingers in the mirror as he moved his fist back and forth. The drag on Frank's cock was quickly becoming too much to handle, so he picked up the pace, consciously fighting not to let the two rhythms mesh. He wanted to watch Gerard come undone. He wanted to watch Gerard's face become overrun with feeling and know that he'd helped for the night.

Gerard's throaty moans became more frequent as Frank moved his hand quicker, and he knew that Gerard was close. He was close himself, but he was determined to hold on and watch the effect he had on Gerard. Increasing the strength of his hip movements, he experienced the familiar feeling of Gerard swelling even larger in his hand, and he tightened his grip, working even more until he watched Gerard come in the mirror with a shout, hot jets shooting out as he pulsed heavily in Frank's grip, mouth wide and shamelessly panting.

Frank loosened his grip, gradually, losing control of his hips behind Gerard. The sound of his balls slapping against Gerard's skin was almost embarrassing, but he couldn't care less, feeling Gerard consciously clench his muscles as Frank stroked him through the aftershocks of his orgasm. He let go of Gerard's dick with a start, stomach swooping dangerously. He dug into Gerard's hips with his fingernails, violently fucking himself out as his cock swelled against the smooth. His vision blurred, and he finally lost sight of himself in the mirror as his orgasm exploded, hotly filling the condom inside Gerard.

He panted heavily, thigh muscles burning furiously as he slowly rid out his own aftershocks. He was sure there was some sort of etiquette for gracefully extracting himself from the man beneath him, but instead he just gripped the condom and pulled out swiftly, collapsing back onto the pillows with a thud. He was suddenly glad he'd had the presence of mind to set his phone alarm for the morning before entering the motel, as he wasn't sure he'd be able to move again for several hours.

Thankfully Gerard sensed this, and though he stumbled while he did so, he bent over Frank, and removed the condom whilst kissing him sloppily. Frank closed his eyes, listening to Gerard shuffle around the room, recapping the lubricant and chucking the condom in the bin. It occurred to him that he should probably get up and wash his hands – his right one at least, was stickier than he dared contemplate. However, he figured that it could wait until morning. Perhaps he could entice Gerard to take one of his rare showers. He was sure the guys would appreciate that gesture at the studio later on.

Although Frank still had his eyes closed, he could tell when the lights switched off, the colours behind his lids changing from reds and oranges to purples and greys. The next thing Frank knew, Gerard was trying to tug the comforter from underneath him. He laughed, but didn't move, simply letting him struggle. Eventually Gerard managed it, shifting Frank's weight, before he felt the comforter being thrown atop him and a dip in the bed; Gerard climbing on. He crawled over and Frank flung out an arm, allowing Gerard to shuffle closer, naked skin brushing against Frank's side, and laying a palm against his chest. Gerard only ever slept naked when he slept with Frank.

They both sighed, almost in unison, and then giggled, clutching each other close.

"I love you, Frankie" Gerard murmured, nuzzling against Frank's cheek. "You're my best friend."

Frank stroked his hand through Gerard's greasy locks, smiling in the dark. Damn right he was Gerard's best friend; it's not as if Ray would be any good at making Gerard _feel_ like this.

"Love you too, G. Get some sleep."

He laid awake awhile, and was happy to hear Gerard's breathing even out and deepen quite quickly. Apparently Frank was also good at helping him sleep. Maybe if they did this more often, Gerard would survive.


End file.
